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Vacation Planning

September 3rd, 2011 · General, The Maritime Family

Our family recently returned home from a much anticipated sailing vacation. I know, a sailing vacation may seem like an odd choice for a man who spends six months at sea, but, it was daddy who orchestrated our seafaring adventure.
First, I would like to say, that for the most part, we had a very nice time. We were able to sail to beautiful locations and see and do some really cool stuff.  However, we did run into some rough conditions along the way (nothing to do with the winds or the water), that could have easily been prevented with a little more planning and forethought.
Our vacation odyssey took place at the end of the summer, two months into my husband’s time home. Prior to leaving for our vacation, my family had enjoyed much of the summer together. No school. Minimal activities. Loads of time at beaches, pools, barbeques or just hanging around the house….together. As nice as that sounds in an article in a parenting magazine, that much time together with a young family can actually lead to some issues. By issues, I mean drop down, drag out, fist to cuff battles. Dropping our “shore warriors” on a 33 foot sailboat for five days presented my husband and I with challenges that we did not anticipate, but clearly should have been expected. The squabbles began early and seemed to only intensify with close containment of the boat. This took a toll on all of us, especially our captain and trip planner. Captain Daddy had already spent two months on the front lines at home with our family where brief retreats to a buddy’s house or a long bike ride were permitted. However, on a 33 foot boat, such retreats were not possible. As stay-at-home mom/field general, I have developed a high tolerance for sibling wars. My husband’s tolerance levels are far less sophisticated. Eventually, we came up with a workable strategy to combat the rising surges: shorter sail times, followed by more time ashore–preferably destinations with wide open spaces (beaches and parks), allowing our sail troopers (daddy included) to blow off steam.

Lesson learned.   The key is to a successful family vacation is to plan it when the conditions are optimal. Our life as a maritime family is different.  Yes, daddy does go to work for three months at a time. But, the flip side, is that he is home with us, for three months at a time as well. The key is to take advantage of this situation, not be blindsided by it.  If possible, a vacation should be planned when daddy first gets home. Yes, maybe he’ll be a bit shell shocked after his “quiet time” at sea, but his tolerance levels will be refreshed. He will also actually be craving family time. Subsequently, when daddy gets home, the kids are so thrilled to see him that they tend to focus on him instead of declaring war against their sister who last cookie, or their brother who is breathing in their air space. In general, family time–together time is more enjoyable, more peaceful when daddy is fresh on the scene.  There is no reason why that peace at home cannot be packed up and taken on vacation. In fact, it can and should be!

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Crew Change….I’m finally going home

July 14th, 2011 · Maritime Community in Canada, Maritime Community in USA

After leaving home for a new turn onboard, the time passes very fast in the beginning. The period of work is 3 months and it sound like a lot and to most it is. Comparing with sailing periods of the past this is a rather short time. It wasn’t long ago when the sailing period was a minimum of 6 months before you had a paid airfare home from anywhere in the world. It was not uncommon for people to stay onboard for a year or more. This was especially true for young men. It was a great way to save money before continue school.

A lot of changes in the various elements of operating a ship has made different. There are a multitude of factors involved and the stress level has gone up a lot. Regulations has been added and changed, technology has progressed and made it possible to reduce crew onboard but it has also made it more stressful for those that are onboard. Security issues around the world has changed and made it harder accessing a support network that used to be available on short notice, just a phone call away. Ship crews used to be able to move around fairly freely while in port. They could have a few hours off the ship and get away from the stress.

Today’s sailing time of 3 months is still a long time in today’s standard. After it’s completed and you are on the way back home things are looking up.

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What Is A Tanker

July 12th, 2011 · Maritime Community in Canada, Maritime Community in USA

What Is A “Tanker”…

In marine transportation there are two main categories of ships. Those two main categories are “Dry Cargo Ships” and “Liquid Cargo Ships”.

Under category of “Dry Cargo” we have two main categories and they are Dry Bulk Cargo and General Cargo. Under Liquid Cargo Ships we have again two main categories and they are Crude Oil Tank Ships and Parcel Tank Ships.
Crude oil tank ships are generally very large ships and they carry mostly raw crude oil, meaning a un-refined oil directly from the oil well. A parcel tank ship carries smaller amounts of refined products and other liquid cargoes. There are tank ships that also carry liquefied natural gas.

So what is a “Tanker”? I guess that you now can answer that question and if not, the answer will be in Karen’s next article, for sure.

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Lessons from home. Lessons from the heart.

July 6th, 2011 · General, The Maritime Family

Last week our crew finished up school for the summer. Our children are young. We still have many years before we see the tassel of even a middle school graduation. However, that’s not to suggest that our little one’s last week at school was without pomp, circumstance, ceremony and celebration. To many, this may seem silly. However, to the majority of cap-and-gown wearing kindergarteners, this is a momentus occasion. For the next thirty minutes, I laughed and cried and spaztically switched between video and digital cameras, trying to capture every moment. During a lull in the action, I noticed the couple to my right, skillfully “tag-teaming” the graduation. (He worked the digital, while she handled the video). Excited for their graduate, they were ready for action. As the graduation program came to a close, the kindergarten teacher dismissed the class one last time. Almost immediately the ceremonial order gave way to celebratory chaos as the new grads took off running for their proud parents. I watched as the tag team to my right scooped up their little one. Mom hugged while dad high-fived. Eventually a semi-toothless little graduate emerged from the family-style rugby scrum, to present his parents with his hard earned dimploma. Pride and happiness oozed from his every pore.
Pulling my attention back to the remaining kinder crowd, I spotted our esteemed graduate bounding through the crowd, heading right for me. A wave of panic hit me. The smile on his face was joyous and genuine, but would it last? I began to fret that our little guy would become sad or disappointed once he reached me, and only me. Sure, daddy had called the night before from the ship to wish him well, but would that be enough to carry him through this special day? Would seeing the other families–moms and dads, celebrating together with their grads, make him sad? I wondered. I worried. I waited….
When our graduate finally made his way to me (he took the long route), I gushed, making sure he knew how proud I was of him. He beamed. He was thrilled to see his grandparents and very happy to learn that we were going out to lunch to celebrate his special day.
However, as we piled into the minivan, his mood began to change. He became subdued and serious, expressing a concern about my photography and video-taking abilities. Although I believe I pose no threat to Martin Scorses, I was fairly confident in assuring our new graduate that he would enjoy the graduation video that I had just shot. This was met with a deep sigh (and probably a dramatic eye roll). I was told, in no uncertain terms, that the video was not for him, it was for daddy. He went on to explain that he knew how much daddy really wanted to be at his graduation. Having a video–a “good video” would allow daddy to share in the special day when he got off the ship.
Bittersweet moment. Reality had blown through Cloud 9. Daddy was not at graduation. Yet, there was no bitterness or resentment. At the tender age of six, our son had not only learned to accept the situation and deal with it, but he had also learned how to make it better for himself and his dad. I was stunned. I was impressed. And, once again, I was proud.

At lunch, I quietly marveled over our little guys thoughts and comments. Was there some sort of a divine event that rocketed our son to a higher, more profound level of maturity and understanding? Did I miss something? As he wiped his ketchup fingers on his tie and devilishly delighted in serenading the table with an original score orchestrated from his armpit, my devine maturity theory went up in smoke. He was still a silly little six year old. However, he was also a silly little six year old who had 100% confidence in his daddy’s love for him, regardless of his daddy’s location. This secure unwavering love didn’t happen overnight. It happened everynight, over six silly and wonderful years from the land and from the sea. And, it was his to keep forever.

Our kindergartener learned a lot this year. He can read. He can write. He can count the money in his piggy bank. However, no lesson was more precious then the one he learned somewhere between the many nights his dad had tucked him into bed and the nights that his goodnight kiss came via long distance “ship to shore” phone call. Daddy loved him. Plain and simple. Sure and true. It didn’t matter where daddy’s ship took him, daddy’s heart was always home with us. Forever and Always.

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Tough times never last, but tough people do

June 24th, 2011 · The Maritime Family

The other night, while tucking my six year son into bed, I asked him what he would like to be when he grew up.  Without hesitation, he responded, “A tanker captain, like daddy.”  I smiled. Daddy is and always has been his hero.  I couldn’t wait to share the story with my husband, who was currently on his tanker.  Early the next morning, my son appeared at the foot of my bed:  “Mommy, would it be ok if I wasn’t a tanker captain?”  he asked in a nervous little voice. Surprised and just a little bit groggy, I did my best to reassure him that it would absolutely fine if, at six, he changed his career path.  As he curled up next to me, he explained his change of heart. He decided against a sea-faring career because he knew that his kids would “miss him too much when he went to sea.”   As I hugged him and tried to choke back my tears, I began to doubt our approach to parenting when daddy was away.
For the past nine years, I have prided myself in keeping the house up and running when my husband was on the ship.  We made the bus in the morning and got our homework done at night.  Soccer, basketball, swimming and t-ball…..no problem. ( A logistical guru!)  I hosted birthday parties and holidays solo.  More importantly, I made every effort to keep myself and the kids in touch with my husband.  We called, we emailed, we even wrote old fashion letters, cards and sent pictures.  All was well on the home front.  Sure, we missed daddy, but we were happy and busy—far too busy to be sad.  So I thought until that early morning revelation delievered by my son.
Had my attempts to “drop a shoulder” and plow through with our normal lives after daddy’s departure actually been a bad thing?  This was uncharted territory.  Very few families we knew had husbands/daddys who took three month business trips twice a year. I was confused, worried, scared. Had I become insensitive to my children’s feelings or emotional needs?  Did I need to shift gears?  Cut back on their activities and events?  Have more quiet family time????  Would the those changes help lessen the sadness my children felt when daddy was away?  I pondered.  I thought.  I debated myself and others on the subject and, finally came up with a very simple answer:
No!!!!
What I needed was a reality check.  When daddy is on the ship, we miss him, and sometimes, that makes us sad.  It’s normal and it’s ok, but for a six year old, it can be tough. However, for our six year old and his sisters, it’s a fact of life–our life.  Withdrawing from activities and events that we enjoy to coddle our sadness, would be ridiculous.  Tough or not, we need to fight through the sad times and keep our lives on track when daddy is out to sea.   Always keeping in mind, that daddy’s ship WILL come in and, when it does, we WILL have a blast!!
About me…Karen
Married for 9 (almost 10!) years to the love of my life, who happens to be a tanker captain.  A proud mom of three wonderful (and energetic) young children, who are fairly close in ages (34 months between the oldest  and the youngest child with one in the middle) A “stay-at home mom” who never actually seems to be home, but always in the minivan en route to school, soccer, swimming, etc.  An avid sports fan (Bronx Bombers and the Big Blue) who happens to love the beach.  In another life (far-far away and o, so long ago), a media specialist at a public relations firm in New York City.

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